Another Half Of Me - Chapter 31

Siddha groaned hard and opened his eyes. Looking around he only saw white. He has to get up. Roshni needs him. Gritting his teeth, he tried to move his body but couldn’t. Saline and blood tubes attached to his arms restricted the movement.

Summoning all his strength, he grabbed the side rails of his bed and raised his upper body. He clutched the tubes and removed them one by one. As his body crunched a little in the front, pain pierced his stomach hard. Ignoring it completely, he swung the lever near his thighs and released the rails.

Breathing hard, he swung his feet to the ground and felt his skin stretch on the left side. Without even thinking about what was happening in his body, he stood up on his feet clutching the foot rails of the bed. He was about to let go of the rail to walk when Prashant rushed in the room.

“Siddha, no,” he shouted stopping him before he took a single step.

“Please, let me go. She must be scared like hell. I need to go to her,” Siddha cried trying to escape his arms.

Everyone rushed in the room hearing the commotion. Rudy, Prashant and Amit grabbed him from all sides trying to restrain his arms.

“Please, let me go. I am fine. Where is she? I need to see her.”

Looking around he saw everyone staring at him with a strange expression in their eyes.

“Rudy, where is Roshni? How is she?”

When nobody answered, he brushed their hands off. As they let go, he clutched the foot rails and again tried to walk away, but was stopped by his grandfathers.

“Nanaji, Dadu, where is Roshni? How is she?”

Still nobody answered.

Something was wrong. Why aren’t they telling me anything?

Prashant placed a hand on his shoulders and said in a soothing voice, “Everything is going to be ok. You just need some rest. Please, Siddha.”

“I am fine.”

Looking straight at Rudy, he said in a thundering voice, “Where is she? Tell me now.”

Rudy stared at him mentally battling the urge not disclose the truth to Siddha. But, he knew not letting Bhaiji know about what had happened will only worsen it.

“The car was burned completely, Bhaiji. Roshni Ma’am…” not able to speak anymore, Rudy shook his head as tears ran down his eyes.

Siddha stared at him not believing what he was saying. His heart stopped for split second and then all of sudden it raced against his chest as realisation hit him. 

She is dead? 

No, she can’t be. 

She can’t leave him. 

She just can’t.

His body started to shake with pain and shock as the memories of the blast came back. He hugged himself trying to blanch out the vision of her going up in flames.

He could hear them calling his name but nothing registered in his mind. He clutched the rails hard, as a sudden vision from the past flashed in front of him.

Roshni was standing the balcony and looking at her left hand.

“What are you looking at?” he asked hugging her from behind.

Turning she pointed her finger on her lifeline and said, “I have a long life line. And, I want to spend each and every moment of that life with you. And when it’s time for me to go…” he placed a hand on her mouth trying to stop her from speaking about her death but Roshni removed it.

Frowning she continued, “And when it’s time for me to go, I want to lie in your arms and die looking at you.”

“I promise that will never happen. If you go, I’ll go with you, no matter what,” Siddha promised her.

Clutching the rails of the bed, Siddha collapsed on the ground, screaming her name again and again in pain. Banging his head against the rails, he kept on repeating one thing as Sid, Prashant and Rudy tried to stop him, “Why am I alive? Why?”

*************

It had been more than 2 days since the blast. Roshni was still unconscious from the after effects of the anaesthesia. Dr. Sunil looked around him to check if any of the goons were nearby or not. Thank god, there was nobody around. Placing a hand on her forehead, he stroked it. Whatever may be the reason but this girl was not dying soon.

When the doctor had been kidnapped from the car park near the hospital he had never though it would be to save someone’s life. After performing around 4 operations, he had managed to save her life. 

Even though her body was completely paralysed but she was responding to the medications, which was a good sign. The last grafting process had been done just now. With 50% 2^nd degree burns and a dead foetus in her womb, there had been a possibility of her dying if she had not been treated on time.

Checking her pulse, Dr. Sunil wondered what they would do with her once she was ok.

Roshni’s unconscious mind kept conjuring images of the blast one after another. Her body racked with anger and pain of losing her child. Why isn’t her body moving? She needed to it to move. She wanted to rip him apart in pieces. She knew her anger would not go away even if she ripped him to million pieces.

God, my baby: sweetheart, forgive me please, I was not able to protect you.

Silent tears fell down her side cheeks as her heart pleaded forgiveness.

*************

Siddha woke up with a blissful smile on his face and stretched his hand to touch her skin again. But, his hands touched cold rails of the hospital bed. He woke up with start and found himself inside a cold and dark room. What is he doing here? Where is Roshni?

His screams rang through the room as Siddha remembered what had transpired in the couple of days. He will not see her again. He will not touch her again. He will not feel her again. Struggling hard to wipe out the horrific memories of the blast, his body twisted with pain and anger.

Prashant rushed in room and tried hard to control Siddha’s flailing arms. He instructed his staff to arrange for an injection. As the effects of the tranquiliser took hold of him, Siddha again slipped into a dream of touching her, smiling with her and feeling that loved sensation all around him.

************

Roshni was fully awake right now. Dr. Sunil looked at her and smiled. But, she did not look at him let alone smile. She stared in space searching for somebody.

The doctor raised the bed a little to bring Roshni to a sitting position, but her gaze was fixed in space. She did not respond at all when the doctor touched her hand. Sighing, Dr. Sunil realised what had happened. Roshni was complete paralysed from the impact of the blast: her body was like a vegetable. He looked at her sadly as the goons blindfolded him.

*************

As the effect of the tranquiliser faded, Siddha became wide awake. His mental anguish had already numbed the physical pain in his body. There were no tears in eyes instead there was an emptiness in them, which blanked every emotion in his brain. He still did not believe that Roshni was gone. Sliding his head sideways, he saw Rudy sleeping on the couch. As he moved again, Rudy woke up with a start and came rushing to him.

“Where have you kept her?” Siddha asked pain choking his voice.

“Here, in the ice chamber,” Rudy replied trying hard to believe what he was saying.

Closing his eyes, Siddha summoned all his strength to get up. As he set foot on the ground, Rudy offered his hand for help but he brushed it off.

Siddha limped outside and saw Amit, Karan and Sid discussing something. The moment they saw him, they hastened towards him.

“You should be resting,” Amit said looking at him with concerned eyes.

Ignoring him, Siddha gestured Rudy to lead the way.

“Call Prashant,” said Amit to Karan clearly understanding where Siddha was going.

Prashant reached the ice chamber as Siddha was about to enter it. He looked at the attendant and gestured him to get her.

Siddha looked on as the attendant wheeled a stretcher covered in white sheet in front of them.

“Remove the sheet.”

“Siddha, please,” Prashant pleaded.

“Remove the sheet.”

“Bhai, please don’t,” Sid implored.

“I said remove the sheet,” Siddha instructed with violence.

Slowly the attendant moved the sheet away from her face. Sid, Karan, Prashant, Rudy and Amit backed away in horror.

Siddha looked straight into her burned face. He couldn’t recognise her. Grabbing the sheet, he tossed it on the floor. The charred remains of her body stared at him reminding that she was no more. Siddha couldn’t look away. His gaze finally fell on her left hand. 

The ring he had given her glared hard blinding his vision. 

The numbing pain throbbed through his body as his brain slowly registered the fact that Roshni was dead. Slowly he picked up the sheet from the ground and covered her. Turning, he limped away towards his room.

Sitting on his bed, he closed his eyes and her burning face stared at him accusingly. He opened his eyes and saw both his grandfathers standing near the doorway.

“We need to get the final rites done as soon as possible,” Dadaji said.

Nothing registered in his mind except the fact that he was responsible for all of this. 

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