Scarred Love - Chapter 34

“Why?”

Ishani flinched as soon as she heard him. She shivered inwardly knowing too well that she cannot answer his question.

“Please tell me why?” he asked in a sad voice.

“Rudra, I can’t, please understand.”

“Ishani, I have the right to know.”

“Please!” she pleaded and tried to free herself.

The moment he felt her wriggle in his arms, he stepped away from her. Then, he turned and walked to the French windows in the room.

What the hell! Why isn’t his plan working? Before it's too late, do something, Rudra, his inner voice said.

But what?

She kept on watching him but did not follow for her emotions were as raw as his. However, the moment she saw him hanging his head dejected, she couldn’t stop herself. Something pulled at her and she closed the space between them.

“Rudra, I think I should go,” she said placing a hand on his shoulder.

Instantly he turned and she felt his arms going around her body. As he pulled her into him, he buried his face in her neck.

“Please don’t leave. I can live without your love but I can’t survive without seeing you.”

Tears of regret spilt from her eyes and she bit her lip to strangle the sob that was about to escape. She pressed her face to his throat and inhaled for the last time.

Yes, she had decided. She couldn’t do this to him. In this short period of time, Rudra had actually managed to lodge his presence in her heart. Her conscious would berate her relentlessly if she continued this.

“Please, Rudra, let me go,” she said as she squirmed out of his embrace.

Hardening her heart against his crestfallen expression, she turned and started to walk towards the door.

How did you even think you could lead a normal life, her heart questioned. Normalcy is not for you, remember that. Love is not something that you could have. You lost that when Veera died. You have to live with that. Don’t drag anyone else into your life, especially this man who you care about.

“Ishani, please stay. At least have lunch with me,” she heard him say but she didn’t stop.

As she reached the door, she opened it and then looked back at him. Her heart cried out as she saw the look of despair on his face.

“I am sorry, Rudra. I can’t do this,” she said as her mind tightened its reins on her heart. 

Rudra watched the door close behind her and his jaw hardened with purpose.

What have you done? She is gone, his inner voice rebuked him.

Don’t worry, she will come back.

I will make her come back.

****************************

Ishani opened the door of her house and stepped inside. As she looked outside at the threshold, she remembered the panic on his face when he had come to check on her. Forcibly she closed the door but wasn’t able to control the onslaught of tears that she had been holding since she had left the hotel.

As her body started to slide along the door, her body collapsed on the floor. Tears of regret and pain followed down her cheeks. After all these years, she had finally found someone who sincerely cared about her but she had to let go.

“You are a freak. You will never find anyone in your life. Nobody will ever love you, remember that, Ishani. You will always be alone.”

Her ex-boyfriend Manik’s voice rang in her ears loud and clear.

Manik Sharma, her friend in college and yes, her boyfriend later had panicked and shivered with fear when he had seen her thrash and scream in her sleep. Unable to take it, he had broken off with her that night.

Ishani sighed unhappily as she remembered how they had made love passionately just before that and how Manik had repeatedly confessed his love for her.

That night she had not only lost the man she thought she loved but also her pride. It had taken her a lot of time to get over all that anguish, and when she had moved on, she had decided not to give into love ever.

Yes, she still loved Veera but he was not the only reason for denying Rudra. Truly, she was scared of feeling that pain again and most of all she didn’t want him to see her like that.

He deserved a woman who would bring only happiness in his life.

And, she was definitely not that woman.

Ishani closed her eyes as fresh tears fell away. Her heart was choking with remorse and she knew it would be days before she would stop reacting.

Suddenly she felt her phone buzzing in her bag. Rubbing her tears off, she fetched it and checked.

Annie!

But before she could answer the call, it got disconnected. Sighing, she got up from the floor and walked towards the drawing room. Putting the phone on ringer, she kept it on the sofa and went to the washroom.

Meaning to call Annie, she picked up the phone when she came out but it was flooded with several messages and missed calls from Rudra.

She dialled Annie’s number and waited for her to answer.

After 30 minutes, her mind was at peace when she disconnected the call. She had told Annie everything and she also advised her, what Ishani had already decided.

Avoid him for some days till her mind gets settled.

She was still thinking about these things when the phone rang and she saw his number flash. Clenching her hands into fists, she waited till it stopped ringing.

The moment it did, she blocked his number totally.

No calls, no WhatsApp and no texts.

What if he comes banging at my door?

Ignore, Ishani. You have done that before. Spend as much time possible at the NGO.

Determined, she called Jithu, the care taker at the NGO and checked with him about the day’s work.

Then she called Subhash Gaikwad, the main trustee for her grandmother’s trust.

“Hi, Subhash Kaka,” she greeted with a smile as the man answered the call.

“Hello Ishani, how come you are calling me in the middle of the month?”

She laughed at his teasing tone and told him about the money she required for the NGO. After he affirmed its transfer within a couple of days, she put the phone on silent and forgot about it.

It’s time she gave the investment money back to SGH.

Copyright © Paromita Majumder. All Rights Reserved.