The Stigma Called Love - Chapter 26

Nishant could think of nothing but her tears and screams while she had tried to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, she saw her face with that look of horror.

Anger boiled inside him at himself for making her remember each and every little detail of her past ordeals. He looked at his hands and arms, and remembered the way they had held her to him. Outraged, he banged his hands against the walls of the room again and again, till they bled.

When the excruciating pain took over his body, it slumped to the floor while he sobbed hard knowing too well that, he had lost Aparna forever.

If only he had had the opportunity to tell her how much he loved her.

Stop it! Stop it! Nishant Naik, his conscious echoed. You have hurt her enough. Now just stay away. She deserves someone better than you.

Breathing hard, Nishant suddenly sat up as the thought of Aparna being with some else registered in his mind.

No, it can’t be.

She can’t be with anyone else other than me. You? 

You, who have hurt her so much? 

She is better off without you. She does not want you, does not need you. She hates you.

She hates you!

She hates you, Nishant Naik.

She hates you more than that Kavin!

“No!” Nishant screamed in agony, his heart breaking into million pieces.

Fresh tears of misery fell down his cheeks as her words again started to echo around him.

Suddenly the shrill ringing of the desk phone reverberated in the site office.

Nishant got up, holding the wall for support and staggered to the desk. Wiping away his tears, he was about to pick the receiver to answer, but stopped as he recognised the number.

Aparna!

As it kept on ringing, every pore in his head echoed with its shrill sound. Suddenly, he saw Aparna standing in front of him looking at him with the same painful expression and then she started to scream hard. Her voice mingled with the ringing of the phone pierced through him driving him mad till he could bear it no longer.

“Stop it!” Nishant shouted with pain covering his ears tightly with hands trying to block out the noises.

Nothing, nothing at all could take the pain ever away from him. This terrible ache in his heart and her burning words will remain with him till they completely destroyed him.

********************

Aparna was sitting in the hall waiting for Nishant to return home, but he hadn’t arrived till now. Finally, exhausted, she fell asleep on the couch.

Suddenly the crackling sound of thunder startled her from her slumber. She rushed outside and looked up at the sky. Black thundering clouds threatened to wash out everything with their downpour. And, then it started.

Drops of rain hit the ground with severe force. Aparna stretched out her hand and felt the droplets on her palm. For the first time, the drops hurt her. She withdrew her hand in pain.

Why was the sky so angry today?

Why did she hear his painful screams in the rumbling of thunder?

Aparna ran to the table and picked up her phone. Then, she dialled the site office number. Mentally willing someone to answer the call, she waited biting her lip, but nobody answered. She tried couple of times more but nothing.

Where are you?

Please come back.

I don’t want to lose you. Please. Not you too.

******************

Nishant drove off the construction site at about 6 in the morning. His head still throbbed hard. He hadn’t slept or eaten anything in the last 30 hours so, knew too well that his body would give up soon enough, but till then he will not stop.  

Driving for endless hours aimlessly, he stopped at the side of the road trying to avoid a headlong collision with an upcoming truck. He got of the car and splashed some water on his face trying to take away the pain, but it just became harder than before.

Where was he going?

Nowhere.

The small site office in Kasol where Aparna would be sitting right now working was his destination, but he couldn’t go there.

He shouldn’t go there.

Sighing, Nishant closed his eyes and felt desolate.

Did he know any other way of feeling alive other than being in her arms?

Was it worth living without her?

Everything, his soul, his mind, his body belonged to him, but still whatever belonged to him was not more than what belonged to her.

Suddenly, he smiled as tears fell silently. She had accused him to being worst than Kavin.

Maybe he was.

Yes, this is painful but coming from her it was a reward for him.

I cannot do anything but love you. I am helpless, Aparna. I cannot go away from you, but I can’t also come close.

Nishant looked up at the sky in desperation.

I need her.

My sky needs her earth.

Slowly, he slumped against the car knowing well enough that at first his destination looked unreachable but now he has to tread this path alone, all alone with the burden of hurting her so much.

********************

Aparna sat down on the chair and looked around the site office. He had stayed the night here?

So, where is he now?

In the morning, she had asked Lakshman to check all the hotels of Kasol for Nishant’s whereabouts. But, he hadn’t checked in to any one of them.

Picking up the material report from the table, she recognised his handwriting. So, he had been working all night. It had been the same story day before yesterday.

Aparna got up as suddenly she realised that he hadn’t slept at all for the past 2 nights. Had he eaten anything? There was no evidence of food anywhere in the office. She picked up the desk phone and dialled Somnathji’s extension.

She slumped on the chair after talking to Somnathji.

So, he has gone without food for the past 2 days.

God, Nishant, where are you?

Aparna kept trying his phone till evening but it was still switched off. It was 6 in the evening when she left determined to call Dhruv if Nishant did not return tonight. All the way to Tosh, she kept on looking at the road hoping to find him somewhere.

By the time it was 9 at night, her worry turned into anger. His childishness was becoming unbearable. This is no way to react.

*******************

Nishant sat down against the tree at his most-loved spot in the mountains and looked down at the deep gorge. He was surrounded by huge structures of his favourite Himalayas but still he did not feel strong.

He stood up and came to the edge of the hill. One more step and he would plummet to a 3500 feet drop to the rocky gorge.

Nishant closed his eyes and extended his foot letting go of everything that he had in him. 

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