Another Half Of Me - Chapter 51

Siddha was still sitting in the balcony when Rudy came in. He looked at Siddha and knew that he was a little drunk but not that much.

“Someone is here to see you,” Rudy said.

Siddha looked at him questioningly and Rudy gestured him to follow him.

He stood up from the chair, glass in hand and followed Rudy. Who is it?

Just as he entered the drawing room he saw Sid, Tania, Karan, Prashant and Amit standing in a corner while both his grandfathers were sitting on the sofa. Siddha hid the glass behind him just as his Nanaji got up from the sofa and came to him.

“We have not come here to stop you from leaving,” he said placing a hand on Siddha’s shoulders. “But, we don’t want you to leave with a heavy heart.”

Saying this, he and Siddha’s Dadaji just went out of the room.

He looked in a puzzled manner at his friends and brother standing in the corner. What were they hiding? And, what did Nanaji mean?

Slowly, Prashant and Amit moved away and revealed Roshni standing behind them.

At first, Siddha just stood there and looked at her. Wearing a light coloured saree, she looked more beautiful than ever. But Siddha only noticed her eyes, which were looking straight at him. They were a little swollen and red. Had she been crying? But why?

Siddha turned around unable to look anymore and finished the contents of the glass in one gulp. Putting the glass down on the side table, he looked up at Rudy, who was looking at him with a sheepish grin.

“Why have you brought her here?” Siddha asked angrily with gritted teeth.

Roshni heard his question even when he had spoken in a hushed tone. She knew he would be angry. But, she has to do this.

“It’s not Rudy’s fault, Siddha. I came because I wanted to meet you,” she said in a small and timid voice.

A bolt of electricity shot through Siddha’s body as he heard her voicing his name. Closing his eyes, he tried to block the memories it aroused in him. Her voice repeating his name in desire with him inside her: her voice saying ‘I love you’ again and again as she trembled with pleasure. Shaking his head, Siddha just shut the doors of his memories. He gave a scathing look to Rudy and then went inside the bedroom.

“Leave me alone, I need to sleep. If none of you remember then let me remind you that I have a flight tomorrow morning. So, please just leave,” he said with irritation.

Slowly he heard footsteps going towards the door and finally the sharp sound of the door lock slipping into place. A deafening silence surrounded him and he realised he was the only person in the room.

She had come to see me.

She looked so beautiful.

I was able to see her once before I left.

Siddha clutched his head between his hands as tears rolled down. This last vision of hers will remain with him forever. The loneliness and pain he had been feeling for the past some months just spilled over. Sobs racked his body as he tilted his head in the air. If only crying ever helped.

“Don’t.”

Her voice shot through him like a bullet and Siddha’s body jerked up. There she was standing in the doorway of the bedroom looking at him with those mesmerising eyes. He stood up from the corner of the bed and turned away from her.

“Please don’t hide them from me.”

Siddha wiped his tears and took a deep breathe, and then turned around towards her.

“I am not hiding anything from you.”

Roshni looked closely into his eyes trying to find herself again but this time she found nothing.

“I heard that you are leaving,” she asked staring straight at him.

Siddha nodded and picked up a glass from cabinet, and poured himself a drink.

“You shouldn’t drink so much.”

“Say what you have to say and then leave, please,” Siddha said losing his patience.

Sighing, Roshni came and stood right in front of him. Siddha could feel the heat of her body emanating to his. Clenching the glass hard, he took a long sip and let the alcohol burn the sensation away.

“I am sorry for hurting you so much,” Roshni said trying hard not to cry. She could see the pain Siddha was going through. She shouldn’t have come.

“You don’t have to leave. I am going away in a couple of days.”

Siddha was about to refute her statement when he saw her biting her lip hard trying to stop the tears from falling.

Not able to control himself, he strode straight to her and placed his lips on hers. For a minute both of them stood motionless relishing the feel of their lips. Then, suddenly the barrier broke and they clutched each other in a tight embrace as their lips fused together again and again feverishly.

Roshni’s mouth opened and her tongue plunged inside Siddha’s mouth. Just as the tip of her tongue touched his, an age old primitive desire awakened in him. But, in his mind he saw her as she ran down the stairs and sat hurriedly inside the car. And then, boom: the car went up in flames with her inside.

Siddha let go of her with a jerk and staggered behind. What is wrong with you? How can even think of going close to her? Please, don’t destroy her again.

Roshni fell on the bed as Siddha turned towards the table. Picking up the glass, he gulped down the golden liquid in one shot.

“Please go,” he said in a heavy voice.

“Why?”

“Because, that is the right thing to do.”

Roshni stared at his back trying to understand what he was trying to mean.

“You don’t like me anymore. That is the reason you want to me to go,” she said more to herself than him.

Siddha looked away not saying anything. Words failed him. He could still feel the taste of her lips on his. He lowered his head as he heard Roshni’s retreating footsteps. 

It was time for the final farewell.

He turned and looked at her as she reached the threshold of the bedroom.

“Stay happy. You have a lot of love in you. Give it someone who deserves it. I don’t deserve it at all.”

Roshni’s foot froze in mid-air when she heard him. He didn’t deserve her love? What is he saying? And, how can he think that she will fall in love again when she loved him so much.

“If you don’t deserve my love then nobody else does. I love you, Siddha. It was my love for you that made me hate you so much. I couldn’t believe that the man I loved could do something so horrifying.”

Siddha heard every word she spoke as he turned away from her but he still couldn’t let go of the fact that he had hurt her so much.

“Please go,” he said with clenched teeth.

Somehow, a stubborn voice in her head beckoned her not to. Although, she had decided that she will leave after meeting Siddha but now, she wanted reasons for why they can’t be together. She was not willing to believe that the separation of 5 years was reason enough for them to stay away.

“Why can’t we be together?” she asked coming close to him.

Siddha straightened and shook his head.

“We can’t.”

“But why? What is stopping you? Please, tell me.”

“I can’t, please.”

Determination took over her and she clutched his arm hard, “You have to tell me. I’ll not leave without knowing the answer.”

“Please, go,” Siddha pleaded his patience slipping.

“No, you have to tell me, now.”

When he did not answer, a terrible thought crossed her mind and she looked at his side face.

“Has someone done something to me in those 5 years?” she asked in a horror-stricken voice, backing away from him.

“No!” Siddha said with force turning towards her.

“Then what is it? Why aren’t you…”

“Because, I am scared I’ll hurt you again.”

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